The thought of taking my kid to a movie in a theater has been both an appealing one and the source of nightmares in which I am dragged away in handcuffs for yelling at my kid in a theater to stop poking people.
So we waited until there seemed to be one that she would like. That movie: Incredibles 2.
She’s watched the Incredibles numerous times, has always been a fan, and really wanted to go see this in the theater, so we went.
Got to the theater, it’s opening weekend, I didn’t know it was going to be that popular. Skipped the line and went right to the credit card terminal which kept indicating that I could only choose one seat per transaction. Wasn’t sure what was up with that so went back and got in line and resigned myself to seeing a slightly later showing.
In luck, there was an RPX version of the show just 10 minutes after the one I wanted to see and they got us seats right next to each other which the kiosk wasn’t telling me was possible. OK thought I, Maggie has managed to make it through a one hour presentation before, we’ll see how a 90 minute movie works out for her.
What I did not notice was that the movie was nearly two hours long coming in at 1 hour and 58 minutes. Had I noticed that this would not have been my try for first movie in a theater setting.
What I further did not expect was that there were going to be 20 minutes of previews, 12 minutes of crappy local commercials and local movie for coke, then a four minute long apology tour in which the cast of the Incredibles says “sorry for the wait” over and over again, and then finally Samuel L Jackson says “without further ado, The Incredibles 2” and guess what happens?
Not the Incredibles. No, it’s a Pixar heart twanger about a mother working through her grief at alienating her son by imagining a dumpling is him. OK, cute, yeah, it’s at this point Maggie is asking me if we’re in the wrong theater and telling me she’s bored. I’m not getting the Pixar magic myself, but I think that may have been due to anxiety over having an atomic weapon (5yo) in an open space.
Finally the Incredibles music starts, she perks up, and it goes right into a guy interviewing a kid and Maggie says she’s sad now. We’re at original estimate + 42 minutes when The Incredibles 2 starts. I’m actually grumpy now.
The action starts picking up, things seem to be catching her attention, and then we have a very long dialogue section about insurance, supers being outlawed, breakfast, etc. It didn’t particularly enthuse me or the kid, she’s tired, we’re at +58 minutes from estimated start at this point not knowing we have 108 minutes remaining.
At +1:20 or so everything’s going well, but Maggie’s attention is gone and she can’t stay focused. I have to put my hands over the seat adjuster buttons and tell her to stand up for a minute and get the wiggles out. She does, all good.
+1:50 a kid snaps near us, he can’t take it either and one of his parents takes him to run him in the hallways. He’s never seen again. OK, he’s seen again, just has a crapton of candy now.
Holy crap is there a lot of cursing for no reason.
+2:10 every kid in the place has been fed amphetamines at this point, I’m sure. I’m actually invested in this movie now and fending Maggie off who’s decided it’s time to touch my face over and over again.
+2:30 seriously thought this movie was going to be over by now. I’d promised Maggie a treat if she was good, a chance to play a bit, but that’s out the window at this point as my estimated 6:30pm return is solidly into 7:30
+2:40ish movie is over, credits start, and I tell Maggie she has to hang out for the credits. The children are now free, a glorious chaos ensues. We wait through several minutes of credits only to discover there’s no after credits scene. Ah well
We get back home at almost three hours from departure. I’d only had to correct behavior three times, which I considered a win.
Maggie had fun, would do it again but wants a shorter movie.