The rules of Christmas by a three year old
All gifts are to be asked if they can be opened starting from the day they’re placed under the tree going for the next 20+ days.
Tree ornaments are to be played with… what, they’re not? OK just this one then? No? Can I touch it? No? Just a little?
Oh your ornament you bought us plays “do you want to build a snowman?” Yes, I shall keep accidentally reaching up and pressing the button… no really, that was an accident… yes I am dancing.
All gifts when opened are either to be played with now, or gifts like clothes grumpily put into a pile and exclamations of “I hate this” uttered.
There will be no sleep, and no eating until she absolutely has to. This will lead to meltdowns, however it is all for the greater purpose.
Baby sister’s baby toys are mine. I may deign to share with baby sister after I have finished playing with them. She may have this piece of wrapping paper.
No, she can not have one of my toys while I play with hers.
It doesn’t matter if there are no more presents under the tree, you will still ask “can I open another present?”
Nothing is fair.
The gift for someone else? Meh, whatever … is that a Barbie box? No… meh
Little sister wants to help open the box grandparents got for them both? No. this will involve kicking the present and knocking baby sister into a table.
The toy that involves the choking hazard marbles that’s impossible to replace. Lose one of the marbles in the baby room first move.
The board game with the 35 pieces that look like toys should be disassembled and scattered to five rooms immediately. It will be called Shopkins from here on out.
Oh, you bought me the Barbie that has a job as a programmer and isn’t a princess or fashion designer? She’s the iPad Princess now.
Got a back scratcher? That shall make a fine toy to nearly take out a friend’s eye with.
Baby sister sleeping? Get her robot dance toy and dance and scream to the point the lights are shaking.
PEZ lipstick shall all be applied. I said “all”… nope… I don’t hear you… it’s all going on.
Oh you got me 800 stickers? I have 470 on me but I can’t reach high enough to put them on the ceiling.
What do you mean I can’t smell my bath paint soap in the living room?!?!
It’s still not fair.
This is terrible!
Any clothes that match baby sister are terrible.
Has already received Shopkins, guesses every new present is Shopkins. They’re all letdowns.
Oh those were your 96 crayons? Here are 37 of them back. No I don’t know where the rest are.
Gets coloring book, draws one orange line across each page, done with it.