The booze baby weight guide (incomplete)

Drunk BabyA couple of years ago after trying to figure out what the average weight and size of a skittles, avocado, milk dud, and an apple were in relationship to a gestating baby I decided it might be more useful if there were a chart that mapped it out by what likely helped in creating the baby in the first place, namely booze.

After having Maggie, I completely forgot about doing the chart until I started looking at the search request on theITbaby and saw several for “how big is my baby”

So, in a one-page no-click through non-spam piece:

How big is my baby, compared to booze related items

(First 20 weeks are measured head to butt, afterwards to feet. Also there’re no great booze comparisons before 12 weeks, so just skip there if you want something amusing)

Week 6

You little zygote is about the size of a barley seed coming in at 1/8th of an inch and under 0.04 ounces. It would take several thousand in order to properly make up the malt/wort that is used in brewing.

Week 8

While Sex on the Beach probably wasn’t what conceived your baby, the makings of it, which include cranberries, is about what your baby is the size of now. That’s about half an inch.

Week 9

Your little baby is now a fetus and could be used to turn otherwise crappily brewed beer into a craft sensation as she’s now probably about the size of hops, or a cherry which can go with your Sex on the Beach up there.

Coming in at around .07 ounces, it would currently take 21.42 of your baby to make a shot.

Week 10

UTZ ub MixComing in at 1.22 inches in length, your baby is about the size of that big crunchy potato-chip looking thing in a bag of utz or the brown Melba toast thing in other pub mixes.

Weight is about 0.14oz, or 1/11th of a shot.

Week 11

At 1.6ish inches and 0.25oz your baby is the average size of a matchbook, and about half the weight. A matchbook is something you might have used for some bar tricks at some point before smoking was completely outlawed in most bars.

Week 12

The average shotglassYour baby is now somewhere in the neighborhood of 2.1 inches and half an ounce. This makes her about 88% the height of an average shotglass, and about 1/3rd the weight of the contents of a filled shotglass.

 

Week 13

When life gives you lemons, have a lemon partyComing in at 2.9 inches and .81 ounces your baby is the size of the lemon full they sliced up and used to flavor your water while you’re trying to decide what you actually wanted to drink. At 0.8 ounces we’re still not up to the size of a shot yet.

Week 14 shooters!

The average shotglassYour baby now weighs 1.52 ounces, or the equivalent of a straight up standard shot of booze. Coming in at about 3.5 inches your child is about 70% the height of a beer can.

 

Week 15

Bar CoasterAt nearly 4 inches and 2.5 ounces your baby is the size of a bar coaster, but less than two shots in weight.

I’m still uncertain why anyone uses the coasters, they cause more spills in a bar establishment than they save in terms of drops of condensate. But whatever floats your boat.

Week 16 make it a double!

The average shotglassThe average shotglassAt 3.5 ounces your baby’s gone and passed the two shots mark. Coming in at 4.57 inches there’s not really anything I can directly compare.

Week 17 the size of a beer can, weight of a cocktail

5.5 oz snifterAt 5.12 inches the baby has passed the average size of a beer can (4.83 inches). At nearly 5 ounces in weight your baby is coming up on an Embassy Snifter or small sized cocktail glass (5.5oz).

Week 18 got nothin’

5.6 inches, 6.7 ounces

Week 19

Dollar billAt 6 inches and 8.47 ounces your baby is just about the length of a US dollar bill, which the general rule of thumb is to tip the bartender one of these per drink.

At 8.47 ounces a 100 pound man would be legally drunk within an hour of drinking that much bitters.

Why anyone would drink that much bitters though is beyond me.

Week 20, weighs nearly a beer can

PBR safe, you put your weed in it6.46 inches and 10.58 ounces, getting close to a beer in weight, which you can remind the baby daddy that the mother can no longer enjoy a fresh and cold one, even in the hot summer.

This is the end of head to butt measuring and the start of head to heel. Your baby isn’t growing 3.6 inches in a week

Week 21, my beer can runneth over

Samsung Galaxy Tab S 10.5-Inch Tablet10.51 inches and a frosty 12.70 ounces the baby is now the length of a Samsung Galaxy Tab 10.5.

More importantly your baby now weighs an average 12 ounce can plus about a half shot. This has nothing to do with booze, but seems like any non-fruit based baby piece ends up with a very datable technology reference. If you want to buy me one feel free.

Week 22, my Goodness, my Guinness

Arc International Luminarc Guinness Gravity Glass, 20-Ounce, Set of 4Passing the 14.9 ounces of the Guinness Perfect Pint can and measuring a Subway Footlong at 11 inches your baby’s passed the halfway point to the due date.

Many believe a pint or two of Guinness a day helps during pregnancy to keep iron levels up, pain levels down, and is great bait for internet arguments. You can decide for yourself.

Week 23

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1.1 pounds, 11.38 inches. That’s 11.73 shots.

It is at this point on publication date that I’ve run out of things to put in. I’ll edit this later and fill out the rest. If you’ve got anything shoot it to me and it’ll be included in the piece.

Week 24

Deuce Deuce1.3 pounds, 11.81 inches

At this age we pass into the deuce deuce category, or 22 ouncers (uncommon as far as I know.)

Week 25 – Tall Boy

Miller High Life 24 ounces1.5 pounds, 13.62 inches

Between week 25 and week 26 your baby becomes the weight of a standard tall boy (24oz). Or two standard canned beverages of your choice.

Week 26

1.7 pounds, 14 inches (the weight of about 18 & 1/2 shotglasses worth of beverage)

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Week 27

32 ounces of bud1.95 pounds, 14.4 inches. About the weight of 3 beers, or one 32 ouncer. the 32 ouncers are commonly paired with complementary foods from the Bella de Taco or Arby’s, and you might have to be running to grab some of these items along with ice cream at this point of the pregnancy.

Week 28

2.2 pounds, 14.8 inches

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Week 29 40oz

Olde English 40 ounce2.55 pounds (~40 ounces,) 15.2 inches.

Week 30

2.9 pounds, 15.7 inches

Week 31

3.1 pounds, 16.2 inches

Week 32

3.75 pounds, 16.7 inches

Week 33

4.25 pounds, 17.2 inches

Week 34

4.75 pounds, 17.7 inches

Week 35

5.25 pounds, 18.2 inches

Week 36

5.8 pounds, 18.7 inches

Week 37

6.3 pounds, 19.1 inches

Week 38

6.8 pounds, 19.6 inches

Week 39

7.25 pounds, 20 inches

Week 40

7.63 pounds,  20.16 inches

Week 41

7.93 pounds, 20.35 inches

Week 42

8.12 pounds, 20.3 inches

 

More to come in this article