The four AM baby rager

Was just awoken by a very petulant four AM baby who refused to give me specifics on what the hell was going on / why the world was so terrible at this horrible hour.

Twenty+ minutes rockings, holding, stalling and telling her the collective bargaining agreement was being hammered out by lawyers at corporate, and evidently the case is she can’t get back to sleep with a non-dry diaper.

Civil War SurgeryUnfortunately changing a diaper on a sleepy baby sounds somewhat similar to what I imagine battlefield surgery in the civil war to have registered, and as such it’s 4:30am and I now have a headache like I was at a raging concert.

I was not at a raging concert however, and I might have been able to bypass the ringing in my ears and get back to sleep if I had not checked the baby camera and watched Maggie pushing around the crib on her face using her legs.

Lil BrudderIt’s like something out of a horror movie, or Lil’ Brudder. Baby with eyes closed, ass in the air, face down on the sheet being rubbed against everything in the path.

I’ve got the audio cranked, and as far as I can tell she’s snoozing or at least calming down, but the visual reminds me very much of the creepy girl in The Ring.

There’s something especially creepy about watching a baby on a night vision MJPEG camera pushing around the bed as eventually there’s a sudden jump of movement that looks like a scene cut.

The Ring
Imagine this, but creepier

Worse is when she rolls over and the night light turns her eyes into evil looking little lanterns.

I tried getting back to sleep once during the discovery phase of tonight’s baby deliberations, this is before I changed her diaper, and also before I realized everything on a night vision camera at four AM looks like a horror movie.

It’s forty minutes since the siege on my ears and heartstrings started, and she’s awake again after failing to get to sleep/timing it so that if I had tried I would just be drifting off as the cries start up again.

These cries seemed mostly to be frustrated “it’s four fifty and the collective bargaining agreement documents have not been delivered. You sir must… must…. zzzzz.” That particular outburst lasted about one minute.

Used to at night we’d bring her upstairs when she was having trouble sleeping. Gouged eyes, grabbed and twisted noses, and several kicks to the throat soon learned me that this is not a baby to be cuddled to sleep.

This is a baby to be feared, at least that’s what she’d like you to believe during negotiations. It’s 5am, I believe if a winner in these negotiations can be called, it’s not me.