Baby on Board signs are warnings for your safety, not baby’s

baby on boardWhen I was a kid I always thought those Baby on Board signs were stupid. What was supposed to happen? I would see that sign and decide not to accidentally crash into them? Would my car be hurling out of my control and I would look up see that sign and in a last bit of desperation fueled by not wanting to slam into an infant pull some superhuman shit out of my bag of tricks and manage to make the 2000+ pounds of steel and plastic shift its course slightly?

No. Those signs were not for me to read that way. I understand this now as a parent.

Those signs were to warn me that the person driving the vehicle with the Baby on Board sign is likely to be unable to hear the honk of my horn due to an infant exploding in rage that something isn’t pleasing them at this second.

It’s also to warn me that although I am following them, they’re potentially looking in a rear-view-mirror at their baby and making sure they’re alright, so chances are good that their full undivided attention is not on the road. So don’t follow too closely.

It’s also to warn me to not park like an asshole next to them as baby seating requires a fully open door. It’s worse with my Honda Element where it requires two open doors. If you park like an asshole next to me the chances that I’m going to give two and a half fucks about your car drops exponentially.

While I do not possess a Baby on Board sign, I prefer my far superior zombie family which tells the world that I’m married and have a cat and one infant child, so I’m probably pretty easy pickings if you’re planning to rob me.

So the next time you see one of those ridiculous signs, just remember it’s there for your safety, not the safety of the baby. OK, well maybe a bit of the safety for the baby on board, it’s always possible that while they’re distracted and in an accident they cause that the sign will have warned you enough to not add to the damage.

Who knows…

Beware: This Carre Holds a Childe most smalle…

You can get these rather amazing warnings to other drivers pretty cheaply, and it might just be the incentive a tailgater needs to back off a bit.