Daddy drinks because you cry

Tonight sucked (suckered)Yeah baby, I’m looking at you. I don’t know what happened to the little girl I knew and loved, but today you spent it attempting to burst my eardrums. I’m just letting you know:

daddy drinks because you cry.

I’ll admit, I’ve drank in the past, but never to attempt to recover from a headache brought on by a baby who suddenly decided to exhibit my exact sleep disorder in magnificent form including the stiff legs and clenched fists. Oh yes, there was screaming throughout the day.

I seriously did not know that I’ve evidently been a colicky sleeper most of my life. They always called it restless leg syndrome. I also didn’t know the enhances hearing and attention to minute details that wire you was symptomatic of both me and my child. Lesson learned. Took me eight hours and a bottle of Merlot near the end.

The symptoms exhibited by baby monster were falling asleep, waking up, freaking out, demanding food, eating for a minute, freaking out, farting, demanding pacifier, demanding rocked to sleep, repeat. Do this for about seven hours you’ll get where I was at.

There was also “stiff as a board, red as a beet” thrown in there somewhere.

No sleep for the wicked one, you could put her in her bassinet with the Mozart for Munchkins playing and it would wire her to the point you could hear her outside if you wanted.

For hours it sounded like we might be slaughtering a family of pigs. It was not pleasant and I managed to miss most of everything I attempted to watch today. Dagnabbit baby, now I’ll have to use the DVR!

One of the things attempted sotally tober was rocking her an using Grover’s voice. It worked until I couldn’t confuse her any more.

All in all it was a day with the baby to be remembered, and a lesson that sometimes even at an early age the solution is to do nothing and let the baby just be. That was Maggie’s answer today. Gas and a sour stomach was a side effect of her being pissed the efferluvvin hell off.

Anyway, itDaddy and itMommy popped a bottle of Merlot hybrid something that had gone slightly vinegar as we don’t drink our wines much this past year and are now enjoying the slightly more soothing sounds of nothing as the baby has finally gone to sleep.

It’s been an interesting night in which I used Google Now as a cry translator (they’re all scams, don’t bother,) and the result was “hey hey hey hey hey hey hey dad hey hey hey hey hey hey  hey hey…” and I am not joking. I called itMomma in to watch the translation, it was hilarious.

Anyway, moral of the day – sometimes put the baby down even if it’s begging for help. Little fuckers can’t calm themselves and get overexcited sometimes and need to chill out for a few minutes.

Not saying abandon the kid in a dumpster, but I did let her chill out for 3 minutes alone before I came in and told her everything was all right… pulled a bit of the cry it out method to get her to calm down… little early in her life to try it, but man I had to, and it worked in this instance even though I felt like a shitty parent.

Eh, that’s my day… itBaby’s asleep and happy, itMomma’s asleep and probably happy as well.