Things to share to scare your no-kid friends

Evil babyJust some random things you can use to freak out your friends, or perhaps use to scare your children abstinent/into using protection.

Things to scare your no-kid friends

  • vaginal tearing
  • placenta
  • nipple clogging
  • sleep deprivation similar to torture
  • Vomit
  • Poocano
  • nipple dripping
  • milk rash
  • rashes
  • hospital bills
  • Babies can scream for five hours straight
  • Waking up every two hours to feed or pump
  • EVERYTHING WILL KILL YOUR BABY
  • You’re a horrible parent and should be stopped
  • Breast pumps
  • Colostrum
  • Child outpacing milk supply
  • Price of formula
  • Trying to get baby to sleep
  • For every website on the internet that tells you one thing about baby there’re at least as many telling you they’re wrong and you’re a horrible person
  • Cost of diapers
  • Having to clean poop out/off of baby genitals
  • bags of shitty diapers
  • nipple scabs
  • Trying to come up with content for your daily baby blog
  • Snotty stringy mucus things
  • Hemorrhoids
  • Postpartum depression/psychosis
  • Couples argue more after having a child
  • Loss of single friends is increased
  • 12% of divorced women claim the child was the cause
  • Nipple stretch
  • Mold smelling poop
  • Formula smells like play-doh and vomit
  • Baby rage
  • I remember sleep
  • Newborns can’t sleep on their own, you have to de-stress them
  • If there is a clean surface, baby fluids will reach it
  • clogged tear ducts
  • bloody milk