I’m a stay-with-baby dad two days a workweek now, with one of those days being at work generally and the other off to do things like… nothing… because at three months in that’s all that I can accomplish. Well, more or less.
Let us start with the earliest memory I have of July 23rd and work our way through the day.
12:08am demanded feeding
12:30 feeding done (4oz) threw up everywhere
1:02 after dancing a little jig, changing a foul diaper, and singing Elvis in front of the computer so ITMama could sleep, baby M falls asleep swaddled as she’s psycho.
~3ish I am given to know that she was fed again
5ish she is fed again
baby why are you awake it’s 6am? Oh you’re not awake… what are you going on about in your sleep?
8am baby awakens, changed, fed, ready to fucking seize the day
8:40am baby out like a light
8:40-9:50 I get some work done
9:51 baby wakes up, it’s decided we are going to go to Costco
9:52 poocano part 1
10:12 about to get out the door, notice smell emanating from small one
10:14 poocano part two, and the damned fail pail is suddenly and without warning completely full meaning I get a hand of baby poo while trying to push it through the lock.
10:16ish hands washed baby scoured and scrubbed, I tackle the fail pail
10:25 about to head out to Costco but Maggie’s hungry
10:35 Maggie’s looking out of it so I lay her down
10:41 Maggie’s wanting more food
10:50 the milk monster is out of it.
11:31 Baby M is back awake and we’re ready to go.. but the diaper is not
11:40 off to Costco
Absolutely uneventful Costco run, no screaming, crying, or anything except she did want some food during so I stopped mid-aisle and fed her.
~2:30 back home, on phone with work, baby refusing to be quiet unless held, I eat ITMama’s pizza as it’s the only thing I can manage to do with nearly no hands available.
2:30-3:00 is a solid wall of pissed off baby who wants a sip of milk, a suck on the pacifier, held, the TV or something to be in front of her doing something, hot, cold, and generally cranky.
At 3 I say fuck it baby, you’re taking a nap. She has issues with this. For the next two hours I have her fall asleep only to wake up two minutes later pissed off, hungry, tired, rubbing eyes, etc.
at 4:50 I lay down next to her and she passes out
5:20 wakes up screaming… well… let’s say screaming, and at some point woke up.
ITMama shows up at about six and hears the death-squeals of a dying pig as I’m changing Baby M’s diaper. Tears are flowing down her face. There is no consoling this child.
From 6-8 she can’t be unattended, unheld, etc. Several small feedings, but no real solid downing
9pm try and get the baby down. ITMama takes this job and returns a while later
10:30 some baby feeding
11:30 a couple of ounces into a sleeping baby
11:35 baby indicated loudly she wants more
11:37 baby doesn’t want more, just wants the lights off
11:40 baby wants more
11:41 baby’s done with anything in her mouth fuck you
11:49 loud fart cracks the room like I imagine Nightcrawler from the X-Men would make. Considering the bassinet is a rockin’ I’m blaming Baby M.
11:51 wants food in her sleep
11:53 doesn’t want anything
And that was my Tuesday.